


Kamen Rider Vortex: Temporal Shenanigans

by Canso99



Series: Series One-offs [5]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:47:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27010732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canso99/pseuds/Canso99
Summary: The Doctor is letting Lukas help fix the TARDIS and Emmanuel distracts Lukas long enough to start some shenanigans.
Series: Series One-offs [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1735669





	Kamen Rider Vortex: Temporal Shenanigans

The hum of my home was still heard over the din of the tools being used under the console. Lukas was helping me fix the TARDIS whilst in flight. I must say, for a human, he’s good at machines. Then again, he IS German. “Frau Doktor,” he called from under the floor, “should junction A-9 be glowing green?”

“What kind of green is it?” I called back.

“Mint green,” he answered.

“That’s a good green, the best kind of green,” I assured him. “We just successfully auto-navigated away from a naturally made spatio-temporal hyperlink.”

“A what?” he asked.

“Imagine a door into time coming out of, say, your fireplace,” I replied.

“Which time?” asked Lukas.

“Any time,” I answered. “I last dealt with them on the SS Madame De Pompadour. That was the moment I snogged that ship’s namesake, hopping from the 51st and 18th centuries! Man, that was awesome! She was a fantastic gardener!”

“So, this spatio-temporal hyperlink,” guessed Lukas, “is some kind of magic door?”

“No, we are NOT calling it a magic door!” I protested. “Forget the hyperlink!” The internal communications system buzzed. I accepted a call coming from the library.

“Doctor,” called Emmanuel over the comms, “who’s been fiddling with the books?”

“Pardon?” I asked.

“Halfway through Dickens,” Emmanuel elaborated, “we go into _Renzak of Raxacoricofallapatorius_ , then _Mezak of Raxacoricofallapatorius_ , then _Trees of Raxacoricofallapatorius_ , and then we end up in the horticulture section.” I winced.

“My bad,” I replied. “I don’t give much time to sort the library. Every couple of centuries or so, I start, then forget how I organize things. Sometimes, it’s by author. Others, it’s by planet. Maybe I should stack them by colour.”

“So, where should I set _The Haunted Man_?” asked Emmanuel.

“Put it in the Halloween section,” I directed.

“Doktor, should there be a buzz?” asked Lukas.

“Where’s it coming from?” I quizzed.

“One of the thermo-couplings,” answered Lukas.

“Nothing serious,” I replied, “but we should nip it in the bud.”

“Should I also be concerned about the peanut butter smell?” asked Lukas.

“Had to use peanut butter for lubricant one time,” I answered. “Nothing to concern yourself with.”

“Pardon,” interjected a voice. Emmanuel had just entered the console room. “What, pray tell, are you doing?” he asked.

“Helping Frau Doktor with fixing the TARDIS, meine Liebe,” (my Love) answered Lukas.

“You never let me help,” moaned Emmanuel.

“Doktor, word of advice, DON’T let him help!” warned Lukas.

“ONE time!” protested Emmanuel.

“Okay, Lukas,” I interjected, wanting to deal with the buzzing thermo-coupling, “realign fluid links K-7, R-0, and T-8 as I showed you.”

“Ja,” confirmed Lukas. He reached up to realign the fluid links. “Anyway,” he continued, “I was showing Emmanuel how to weld something, and he flipped out.”

“There was a bee near my face-shield!” protested Emmanuel.

“So, you thought throwing a lit torch at a small, winged insect,” argued Lukas, “was a good idea?”

“Like you never freaked out when a bee flew at your face!” countered Emmanuel.

“The only reason he didn’t follow through on the throw,” continued Lukas, “was because his skirt caught fire. I doused it, but the smoke irritated the beehive in my old workshop.”

“Why did you even HAVE a beehive in your workshop?!” snapped Emmanuel.

“I wanted honey!” protested Lukas.

“Besides,” replied Emmanuel, “it wasn’t ALL bad. I did get a new skirt. Actually, I think it’s THIS one.” I was busy tinkering inside one of the panels on the console, so I could only assume he was talking about the one he was wearing at that moment. At the mere mention of his skirt, the TARDIS lurched, and all power went out. “Doctor, what happened?!” yelped Emmanuel.

“Lukas, did you drop a fluid link onto a thermo-coupling?” I asked. The reply took a while.

“...Er, there IS mercury from the fluid link on the thermo-coupling,” he finally answered. “Sorry.”

“HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?!” I wailed. “I specifically told you NOT to drop a fluid link onto a thermo-coupling!”

“That’s my fault,” gulped Emmanuel.

“It most certainly was not!” I argued.

“It...kind of was,” gulped Lukas.

“How could it be HIS fault?!” I snapped. “You’re the one with butterfingers!”

“Because it was my skirt,” replied Emmanuel, “my boyfriend, and your currently open floor.” It took me a bit to realize what he was talking about. When I did, I had a flashback of Rory, Amy’s skirt, and my old glass floor.

“LUKAS!” I admonished.

“He’s got a nice bum!” argued Lukas, not helping his case.

“Well, it doesn’t matter,” I dismissed. “We’ve gone through emergency materialization. We should have landed in the safest place possible.” I reactivated the lights and...now I’m REALLY having flashbacks. This isn’t the first time the TARDIS had done this. Lukas pulled himself out of the floor and saw what Emmanuel and I saw.

“Doktor, the TARDIS DID materialize around a normal police box, ja?” asked Lukas.

“No, I’m afraid it didn’t,” I answered.

“So, that’s the outside of the TARDIS?” gulped Emmanuel.

“I must say yes on this one,” I replied. To further prove my point, I opened the police box as I would the TARDIS and the door behind us opened. We were staring at our backsides when we turned around.

“I suppose you’re right,” mused Emmanuel, “my bum IS nice looking.”

“I’m glad you agree with Lukas!” I snapped. “Meanwhile, we’re stuck inside the TARDIS forever!”

“Pardon?!” yelped Emmanuel.

“The internal dimensions of the TARDIS,” I explained, “are now around the exterior dimensions. If we go into the box, we’ll arrive back in the console room. We’re trapped in a space loop, worse than any time loop or rift loop.”

“You said ‘forever’ earlier,” gulped Lukas. “I hope that’s exaggeration.”

“I wish,” I sighed. “Nothing can go in or out of the TARDIS ever again.” The TARDIS lurched again.

“What was that?!” yelped Lukas.

“Time is trying to correct space right now!” I answered as I started working the console.

“Meaning?!” asked Emmanuel.

“When trapped in a space loop,” I explained, “time tends to stop whilst objects and people still move. That causes time to try and fix space. That lurch was time trying to force some seconds into space so space could be measured by time again.”

“Thankfully, THIS happened to us as well!” called my voice. That wasn’t me speaking! We whirled around to see...me! “Flashbacks?” the other me quizzed.

“Who the hell are you?!” yelped Emmanuel.

“That’s...me!” I gasped.

“Strictly, I’m you from your future,” elaborated the other me.

“Then you can explain what’s going on,” I directed.

“That lurch was time adding itself to space by a few minutes,” explained the other me. “If you step into the box now, you’ll end up a few minutes into the past. Normally it’s a gradual process. That lurch was all the TARDIS’ doing.”

“It’s trying to hurry along the spatio-temporal correction,” I realized.

“Exactly,” confirmed the other me. “The old girl’s feeling weird.”

“After materializing around herself,” I agreed, “I don’t blame her. So, when do I go into the box?”

“After Lukas throws the now empty fluid link T-8 at Emmanuel’s head and Emmanuel ducks,” explained the other me.

“Wait, non,” interjected Emmanuel. “Why would Lukas throw the fluid link at my head?”

“Because” I replied, “we have to stick to established events. One slip-up, and the whole timeline implodes. We’d end up with multiple Doctors.”

“And multiple Emmanuels and Lukas’,” supplied the other me. “Then what would happen?” Emmanuel then seemed to consider what to do. Lukas gasped, figuring what Emmanuel was thinking was a little naughty.

“There’s a time and a place!” he protested as he fished out fluid link T-8.

“What?” protested Emmanuel. “You’re an attractive man! Imagine if there were more of us. It would be heaven!” Lukas threw the fluid link and Emmanuel ducked.

“Right!” I declared as I dashed to the police box. I briefly stopped and turned to face the other me. “First line?”

“‘Thankfully, THIS happened to us as well’,” answered the other me. “The rest will just come naturally.”

“Got it!” I called as I dashed into the police box and arrived to see me working the console.

“That lurch” Past me was explaining to Lukas and Emmanuel, “was time trying to force some seconds into space so space could be measured by time again.”

“Thankfully, THIS happened to us as well!” I called. Here comes the quizzical looks. “Flashbacks?” I quizzed.

“Who the hell are you?!” yelped Emmanuel.

“That’s...me!” Past me gasped.

“Strictly, I’m you from your future,” I elaborated.

“Then you can explain what’s going on,” directed Past Me.

“That lurch was time adding itself to space by a few minutes,” I explained. “If you step into the box now, you’ll end up a few minutes into the past. Normally it’s a gradual process. That lurch was all the TARDIS’ doing.”

“It’s trying to hurry along the spatio-temporal correction,” realized Past me.

“Exactly,” I confirmed. “The old girl’s feeling weird.”

“After materializing around herself,” agreed Past me, “I don’t blame her. So, when do I go into the box?”

“After Lukas throws the now empty fluid link T-8 at Emmanuel’s head and Emmanuel ducks,” I explained.

“Wait, non,” interjected Emmanuel. “Why would Lukas throw the fluid link at my head?”

“Because” replied Past me, “we have to stick to established events. One slip-up, and the whole timeline implodes. We’d end up with multiple Doctors.”

“And multiple Emmanuels and Lukas’,” I supplied. “Then what would happen?” Emmanuel then seemed to consider what to do. Lukas gasped, figuring what Emmanuel was thinking was a little naughty.

“There’s a time and a place!” he protested as he fished out fluid link T-8.

“What?” protested Emmanuel. “You’re an attractive man! Imagine if there were more of us. It would be heaven!” Lukas threw the fluid link and Emmanuel ducked.

“Right!” declared Past me as she dashed to the police box. She briefly stopped and turned to face me. “First line?”

“‘Thankfully, THIS happened to us as well’,” I answered. “The rest will just come naturally.”

“Got it!” called Past me as she dashed into the police box.

“So, is that it?” asked Lukas.

“No, we’re still trapped,” I replied. The TARDIS lurched again.

“Did the TARDIS hurry along time’s repairs to space again?” asked Emmanuel.

“She did!” I confirmed after checking the readings.

“Hopefully,” called Lukas’ voice from the door, “our arrival helps.” We whirled around to see another Lukas and another me.

“What are you doing here?!” protested my Lukas.

“You said we should get into the police box,” the other Lukas said as he pointed at me. “Well, I mean, you’re GOING to say we should get into the police box. From our perspective, you said that a minute ago. I know, rather confusing. Oh, Emmanuel, not so rough on the bum shove!”

“Well, considering we have to stick to the established timeline,” the other me argued, “I’m afraid your instruction will fall on deaf ears.” Other Lukas rolled his eyes.

“Sorry in advance,” Emmanuel replied to present Lukas.

“Right,” I declared, “we should get into the police box!”

“Do I have to remember all that?” asked present Lukas.

“Not really,” replied other Lukas, “it just happens.”

“Now, Lukas!” I snapped. We dashed for the police box.

“Bonne chance!” (Good luck!) bid Emmanuel as he shoved Lukas’ bum. We then entered the console room’s past.

“She did!” Past me confirmed after checking the readings.

“Hopefully,” called Lukas, “our arrival helps.” Our past whirled around to see us.

“What are you doing here?!” protested Past Lukas.

“You said we should get into the police box,” my Lukas said as he pointed at Past me. “Well, I mean, you’re GOING to say we should get into the police box. From our perspective, you said that a minute ago. I know, rather confusing. Oh, Emmanuel, not so rough on the bum shove!”

“Well, considering we have to stick to the established timeline,” I argued, “I’m afraid your instruction will fall on deaf ears.” My Lukas rolled his eyes.

“Sorry in advance,” Emmanuel replied to Past Lukas.

“Right,” declared Past me, “we should get into the police box!”

“Do I have to remember all that?” asked Past Lukas.

“Not really,” replied my Lukas, “it just happens.”

“Now, Lukas!” snapped Past me. We dashed for the police box.

“Bonne chance!” (Good luck!) bid Emmanuel as he shoved Past Lukas’ bum. The police box’s doors shut, and I dashed to the console.

“What are you doing?!” asked Lukas.

“Controlled temporal implosion,” I answered. “It will accelerate time’s repair to space and reset the TARDIS. But, unless I find the right control to guide the implosion, the whole TARDIS will collapse in on itself and kill us all!”

“You mean, you don’t know how to do it?!” protested Emmanuel. The TARDIS lurched, hopefully, for the last time.

“We should find out any second now,” I replied. Just then, another me and another Emmanuel burst into the console room.

“It’s not as simple as that!” warned other me. “The lack of a full fluid link is causing this whole mess!

“Thankfully, the solution just popped in!” called other Emmanuel. “Emmanuel, toss Lukas a new fluid link! The silver cylinder on the workbench!”

“DON’T!” I called. Too late, Emmanuel did as his future instructed.

“Lukas,” other me instructed, “install the fluid link and realign the thermo-couplings 45⁰ right! The mercury will atomize and harmlessly float into the engines. Doctor, once that’s done, turn the Wimey dial 90⁰ left from its current position.”

“Got it!” called Lukas as he did as directed. I turned the Wimey dial and grabbed Emmanuel’s arm as we dashed into the police box. Lukas gave a hearty shove to Emmanuel’s bum in revenge on the way out. We arrived in the console room’s past.

“It’s not as simple as that!” I warned. “The lack of a full fluid link is causing this whole mess!

“Thankfully, the solution just popped in!” called Emmanuel. “Emmanuel, toss Lukas a new fluid link! The silver cylinder on the workbench!”

“DON’T!” called Past me. Too late, Past Emmanuel did as his future instructed.

“Lukas,” I instructed, “install the fluid link and realign the thermo-couplings 45⁰ right! The mercury will atomize and harmlessly float into the engines. Doctor, once that’s done, turn the Wimey dial 90⁰ left from its current position.”

“Got it!” called Lukas as he did as directed. Past me turned the Wimey dial and grabbed Past Emmanuel’s arm. Lukas gave Past Emmanuel’s bum a hearty shove in revenge. They entered the police box and, a few seconds after that, the police box made the familiar departure noise and dematerialized from the console room.

“And time has finally corrected space!” I cheered as I checked the readings. “We’re in normal flight back to Vorton and should arrive in...” The TARDIS’ arrival noise interrupted me and I waited until the thud to finish. “...Now!” I confirmed.

“Thank you for the trip!” called Lukas.

“Not a problem!” I called. “Oh, Emmanuel!”

“Oui?” asked Emmanuel.

“Go put on a longer skirt!” I instructed. As soon as they left, I made a dash for the wardrobe to get my swimwear. I promised the newly wed Michael and Irina to honeymoon on Florana and I wasn’t gonna miss it!


End file.
